Sapne!!!

Kuch sapne din mein dikh jaate hein !
Aankhon ke saamne khade ho jaate hein !
Haat aage badao.. tho ghum ho jaate hein !
Kuch sapne ...kabhi dubara nazar nahi aate hein !
- just heard somewhere :)

Breaking the silence !!!

I know.. its been a while now, since I updated my blog...I guess I was sort of using the silence as a refuge, away from the prying minds, making sure that neither the multiple battles that I was fighting nor the stupid emotions, will get reflected through the words that get poured out into this space if I venture into this world in those small vulnerable moments :).... Yep.. you are right.. am a Scorpio.. never one to expose my weaker moments and definitely not in haste :)

So, putting those things aside( as they don't appeal to me any more), I've got to admit that, off-late I have been thinking and noting the importance of having your own network ( Hmmm, I know it's a sort of HR sounding word and I might not exactly mean it here)...not the kind where you think about knowing people in places( read - high places).... but genuine people who know and relate to you as you are.... people whom you get to know over the years...who might step in to pull you out of awkward situations or help you with tit bits of information or advice or lend you a shoulder to cry on or use you as a sounding board / vice versa or at least to pass you on to their own networks... But then, even this would happen only if you feel a certain level of connect with the concerned person, a level of comfort that will help you overcome the bridges...At times, these people become a wide variety of friendly sparks in our lives... sparks that would help bring a smile onto our lips even during the most trying periods.

As I think of it, I guess it makes me glad to think about everyone who touched my life, in some way or the other. Some who came in for a reason, some who came in for a season, some who are there forever... am thankful to all of you...you continue to be a spark in my life...!!!

Kal ho na ho !!!

Here I go with one more filmy title... but then , this post has got nothing to do with SRK or Bollywood or films at all... This is a fwd poem I received from one of my best(est) friends( oops.. I can see all the English pandits twitching their noses with contempt already) :).. Anyways.. this was touching in so many ways...and probably it did relate to my current frame of mind...don't ask me if I am talking about the fwd poem or the title.....I guess I am lost completely...and if you happen to check my current status message on the FB, you would know by now.... that I am sort of confused and also contemplating on giving up everything....Hmmmm...
___________________________________________________
TO MY CHILD
Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.. Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is...
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to the park to play....
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together...
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles....
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by...
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned...
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them...
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys...
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you....
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry...
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars...
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows...
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given....

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms. The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that little body And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day......... .....
_______________________________________________

May be I was stuck in my own world the whole of today.... may be I didnt actually do any of the mentioned above for the whole of today...may be I will get to do all that tomorrow.. the one more day that I ask the God for....but for now.. let me do the last bit..I will go to sleep...kissing my son good night...hugging him a little more tighter...and thanking God...

Radha Waits...!!!

I happened to receive a whole bunch of books & pictures from ISKCON today as part of our annual membership. As I saw my favorite picture of Radha-Krishna, I could not help but think of one of my poems written a while ago ( Re-posting it here). While my home hosts a multiple artworks of Radha-Krishna, this particular poem was written after watching an inspiring classical dance performance :).... The eternal wait of Radha...

Radha Waits…..

As the stars twinkle in the skies
As the river flows over the rocks
As her hair, with the breeze, flies
Radha dances away into the night

As the air carries your flute song
As her eyes search with hope
As you make her wait alone for long
Radha dances away into the night

As the evening fades away the light
As the moon looks down upon the earth
As all her doubts, she tries to fight
Radha dances away into the night

As her cheeks fill with her tears
As the beads of sweat glitter on her waist
As she struggles to silence her fears
Radha dances away into the night

As the shadow grows of that monster tree
As the birds slide into their nests for sleep
As from all the chains, she tries to break free
Radha dances away into the night

As she looks back at memories of yesterday
As she calls out to you to end your play
As she hopes to get over this someday
Radha dances away into the night

Gods of smaller things !!!

I never thought the 3rd post for this year will actually be something like reporting a misadventure. But I've got to share this with you all...before my memory fades out the minute details :)

I was in Chennai for the last couple of days, to attend a cousin's wedding yesterday.. and of course, as usual, time just flew by, dotted with visiting ailing aunts, one condolence visit, meeting all the cousins and checking out all the house ceremonies that were missed... etc etc.. this time around.. there was no time for even the Beach :(..... unfortunately, my pending visits list still stands incomplete and I could not even call my friends.... :( sorry guys...

Yesterday night, finally after attending the wedding reception, I managed to rush and take the train to Bangalore. I was travelling alone with Ajay and we were taking the train after a very long time ( The Hosur - Chennai highway is so cool that we got so used to driving down to Chennai frequently in less than 5 hours). The train was scheduled to reach Bangalore city at 4.30 in the morning, so we slept early, nicely tugged under our bedsheets and jackets.

Then I did something which I never did in my life before. Some one woke me up at 5.00 asking for their berth & I realised to my horror that we missed getting down at Bangalore :). I had not realised that my entire compartment was for Mysore quota and not one soul had stirred in their sleep. No lights were on and no commotion to wake me up till it was too late. After collecting my bags and shaking up Ajju awake, I went in search of the TTE who promised to give me a wake up alert :). Three compartments in a row, I saw only sleeping passengers and no sign of TTE. Finally, I found a gentleman standing at a door and asked about the next stop. He was nice enough to caution me not to get down at the next stop which was 10 minutes away as it was too dark and it might be difficult to even get buses back as it was a small town. So I stood talking to him, braving the cold , calling up Krishu and holding on to Ajju who was still trying to sleep in a standing posture. Then he helped me get down at a place which was like an hour and a half from Bangalore and gave me all the directions to go back . Ajju & me made our way to the station master to find out if there was any return train and I kind of found it weird all through. The station master was another gentleman I came across today. After getting to know that I was travelling alone with my son, he was really nice to come out with me to find a safe auto and told the driver to take me to the Bus stand. All kinds of things flashed through my mind as I took the auto through the lonely & dark roads though it was just 1 KM...( I even thought how Kareena must have felt in JWM). The auto driver even made sure that he waited with us till we managed to board a Bangalore bound bus. As I saw the break of dawn, while I travelled back, I could not help but think of all the strangers who helped me just like that... they didn't know me, I had never met them before, I don't even know their names even now, but they helped me without knowing what & who I am... this may not be a major thing, but for me, they made a difference....thankfully... there are still a few people around....Gods of smaller things !!!