Glass walls !!!

Glass walls threaten to engulf
Even as the heart aches for your sight
Nothing matters any more
As the senses, no longer are right
Thoughts seem to suspend the trust and hope
That you will find the way back someway
Insane thoughts run down as tears
Haunting every night and everyday
Please don’t come into the dreams
As the longing intensifies for your presence more
Fade away even from the thoughts,
As it’s crushing the heart’s core !!!

Loving the languages !!!

All around me I see people speaking in different languages and it makes me only more curious to learn new ones... even as Ajju struggles to settle down at Mumbai, one of the main reasons being lack of fluency while conversing in Hindi and thus in turn resulting in failed attempts at making new friends that age , a tiny thought kept nudging through my head... Even though we have quite a few Telugu families around, I have noticed a couple of kids who can't even speak one word of the mother tongue. As we go ahead with our lives, is it not our duty to keep our kids aware of our roots? how far does the concept of speaking in mother tongue at home work these days....how many families actually think it to be important to bring up the kids exposing them to our real cultures, traditions and values? The fast paced cosmetic life seem to have taken over us so much that at times we fail to notice that we have left behind our true identities and personalities.

I remember learning to read & write Telugu in school as a second language in spite of being in English medium. I remember my granny teaching me to read & write Tamil at home grilling into me the importance of learning extra languages. Hindi and English had also become an integral part of our school lives by then. When I moved to Chennai, I could not help but thank my grandma for her farsightedness and it made so much of sense to know Tamil being in a state that is stuck in regional feelings. Here I also found my new friends from the neighbouring state of Kerala and I've got to mention this is one language I will probably never be able to read or write as it sounds so complicated. It took me few years to understand the dialogues as a whole and even more time to learn to utter few meaningful words without making my friends feel embarrassed. Did I forget to mention about my husband being born and brought up in Kolkatta which somehow makes him feel like a Bengali at heart always? ....through the years, as we made rounds of Durga Pujor pandals and Bengali sweet shops and restaurants... and also visiting Kolkatta couple of times, somehow makes me long to learn this mishti language. Being in Bangalore for the last 10 years had added Kannada to the family along with bits of slang picked up from my son's friends.

Somewhere during the course of time, I made it a point to ensure that my son picks up all these languages and puts them to use with appropriate people. When we moved to Mumbai some 4 months ago, it only increased my excitement that eventually I might end up picking up some Marathi for myself while my son kept trying to come to terms with French which sounds even stranger every time we open the school books. I have got to admit that he ends up giggling at the weird sounds that come out of me when I try to learn French from him... I am loving it !!! :)

P.S: I also did manage to hire a whole bunch of German speaking people for my earlier work assignment without knowing one bit of German. :)

Waves !!!

Rooted on the beach, the waves kept pounding the feet
Piling up sand, pulsating the thoughts
As if you are reaching out, across the miles
Whispering promises into the waves !

There was no fear any more, no more sinking into the sand
Far across the horizons, as the Sun kept going down
The waves kept getting bigger yet softer and milder
Gently touching the muted heart, kindling the memories !

Miles and miles of ocean seems to be tugging
Spreading the magic of hope, life and love
Like bridges connecting two worlds of silence
Warm messages are being sent through rugged music of waves!

Where is it gone?

Usually people could never keep me out of any conversation.. I was always part of any thing that was being spoken about, discussed, argued, fought,felt, written... etc etc ...I could actually hit it off right away even having non-stop conversations with complete strangers...in fact that's how this blog sprang up...as it gave me a platform to put my thoughts into words....I could write down everything that came to my mind,how much ever uninteresting... I could just drop it down here...where, I was my own reader, my own audience and my own critic....In a way it helped me address few silly things.. like avoiding mindless banter with people who eventually didn't mean anything to me, or reducing my conversations with things like my laptop( when I could not figure out complicated stuff), my plants ( but ever since my friend told me, I have started to sing to them instead and they are all in full bloom .. ). Though I continued to have random thoughts running through my mind , at times, multiple conversations with multiple characters in multiple languages (No, I haven't gone crazy.. at least not yet .. this just increased my capability of multi-tasking), but writing them all down at some point or the other, brought a kind of solace...something which I could read after a few days and probably feel good, bad, sad or stupid of myself.

But off late, I feel something very strange. As I try to reach inside and grab a few thoughts to spread them out here, I feel as if all of them are running away, trying to escape from my clutches ( keyboard, rather), thinning out into nothingness, hiding away in the deep crevices inside and eluding even from my memories and imaginations. Suddenly, there seem to be nothing around. Is this called a void? I don't know, I am not sure any more. I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry and do all the things that I always used to do. I go about my life as usual and don't see any visible changes unless you point out to me that Mumbai cant be Bangalore... but then, I am fairly certain that it has got nothing to do with this city, nor any of the numerous things that changed in the past few months. This is more like a process set in motion a long time ago, moving the huge blocks to set the pieces in place to complete a deeper puzzle which is turning out to be a maze day by day. I was slowly learning to let go of everything that stopped being meaningful - thoughts, dreams,ego, hatred, worry, fear, jealousy, memories, love.... But in the process, it saddens me to see less and less of thoughts that get transformed into words on this blog :(... This was surely something that I never wanted to let go...

Life goes on..!!!

Thoughts run from one thing to the other...
But they don't rest on you any more...
Nights are filled with weird dreams...
But there is no more hurt from the heart's core...

Sitting by the window, closing the eyes...
But the minds eye stares at the faraway stars...
The love that held seems to have gone...
But it also took away all its scars...

Aching tears have dried away...
No more does the heart call your name...
Letting go of an untouched love...
But it doesn't wonder why you never came...

Washed away by the pain that rains through life...
Little by little the leaves of the memory might fall...
But abundant thoughts may still persist...
As gradually, we would sit to gather them all...

From Mumbai...!!!

As we stand almost close to end of June, I am taken aback by the fact that I haven't come this way since March...indeed a long time of silence to surmount the sporadic changes....as I was reluctant to login to this url though I had the necessary resources ( read as time and connectivity)....... and this time around, I write from Mumbai......so the life changing decisions that I was talking about in my previous post seems to have been completely over and done with .. and am slowly trying to crawl back into my blog....

Leaving Bangalore was probably one of the toughest things I have ever done.... and would probably rate as my biggest dare.... if I were to venture into " Who Dares Wins" ;)

Through out the course of last 2 months... I felt like a tree that is being uprooted from its place... and believe me...I was always fighting against the tree felling that seems to have become a fashion off late in Bangalore...but then the only difference between me and an actual tree in Lalbagh was that I was gettting replanted somewhere else altogether... As almost 20 days have gone by, I have got to admit that the breeze on the 9th floor and the Mumbai monsoons are trying to help me by providing the necessary air and water to slowly survive this replantation drive...... but then its a painful process and I would never recommend this to the weak hearted...

So now, I go back to completing the pending tasks in the " Who Dares Wins" .. you know.. something like, settling the home front... writing all the pending notes for my son... sorting the school bus issues...trying to find him some friends and thus in turn some smiles on to his face... ( on yeah, I need to mention that he is like a Juvenile tree that got replanted too)... and will write again soon...

Sounds of Silence !!!

Apart from wondering how silence can be anything else but maddening...it was even strange to imagine all the sounds of silence... some one once told me that silence speaks louder...and I guess I did learn gradually, that sounds of silence speak volumes....and as I try to pen down my thoughts, it is only to understand these bits & pieces of silence that at times work like a wonderful system of hometheatre to consume you for the complete experience.

Silence is when you are ecstatic about something but have no one around to share ! ( sounds like a recent mobile ad )

Silence is when you sit with your gang, happy about a small win... but not sure about the rounds to go ! ( This is definitely not a sound of silence.... may be you can call it Noise )

Silence is when you are not sure what your next step in life should be but deep inside you know that you have to take the decision ! ( Ufff...I love taking decisions...)

Silence is when there is no sign ! ( Hmmm.... for how long...?)

Silence is when you feel like a liberated soul caught in-between confused people and complex feelings ! ( this is an old one .. but yeah.. still holds good)

Silence is when you want to let go of everything and live in peace ! ( Just a dream...)

Silence is when your mind refuses to register all the voices that come from inside ! ( Guess its gone deaf)

Silence is when what you speak becomes incomprehendable even for yourself ! ( Is there a word like that???)

Silence is sleeping and giving time for yourself ! ( I like this one.. but sleep doesn't come easy ) :(

Silence is lying wide awake and dreaming about all your wishes coming true ! ( This I do a lot ) :)

Silence is missing someone so much that the memory becomes a tear, sliding down the cheeks, residing in your heart, giving you company in your solitude ! ( Its a sort of translation of something that I heard in a Telugu movie song- Gulabi.. ! )

Silence is when emotions over whelm you so much that you sit and stare out of the window in the middle of the nights ! ( The world around is so much better at night... trust me !)

Silence is when sudden changes take over your life and you have nothing to say ! ( you may get to know soon )

Sapne!!!

Kuch sapne din mein dikh jaate hein !
Aankhon ke saamne khade ho jaate hein !
Haat aage badao.. tho ghum ho jaate hein !
Kuch sapne ...kabhi dubara nazar nahi aate hein !
- just heard somewhere :)