...the time when I float between what I am ... & what I want to be... at times, these silences... are like a bridge...connecting my two worlds.. at times...they become my refuge... when I dont want to be present anywhere...
Hmmm... I seem to be a going through a lazy weekend....for a change.. nothing seems to be driving me..u know, some thing like, there s no mad rush to do anything... I woke up late, watched some dumb movie ( RNBDJ) till it reached the half time and I could no longer take it, tried getting things around the house in order ( I did try.. not sure how far I succeeded)... waited for some friends.. who never turned up..listened to some songs... read my book for a while..... loaded a few stupid snaps on to FB.. checked.. rechecked.. and double checked all my mail boxes to see if any new mail has arrived.. called up to speak to my son as I was missing him ( he is out roaming with my sisters, mom & his cousins in Kancheepuram) ...ate some fruits for lunch (breakfast was bread) ....called and bugged my husband to come home early from work.... tried working on some very complex Excel sheets ........and again went back to reading my book.... Uff..but nothing seems to be working...theres this restlessness that's there ... The Scorpio in me never liked being alone...!!!
Does anyone remember this good old serial on Doordarshan called " FAUJI" :) that was telecast some 20 yrs ago :) Yep, I know that would bring a smile onto the lips of atleast some of u old timers who managed to have a glimpse of King Khan in his first avatar....Abhimanyu Rai !!!:)
There was some interview being aired by CNN-IBN today and as Shahrukh spoke, I felt a flash of the dude - Abhimanyu Rai( the young hero of Fauji, on whom most of the gals went GaGa at that time) appear on the screen and it brought back memories :) .. Trust me we used to speak only about Shahrukh in the school on thursdays :) what lovely days of fun we had waiting for the wednesday - 9 pm .. dutifully looking forward for the one & only Doordarshan... :) just to check out Fauji .....Hmmmm.. and now it takes me back to all the other serials which were part & parcel of our peaceful lives ... if any one of u can recollect, it would be great to compile a list :) atleast for the sake of our kids :) Guess this is one of my happy posts.. I see a lot of nice smileys :) Doordarshan Zindabad !!!
Even before I start, it might be required for me to warn you that as you approach the end of this post , this might surely confuse you, as I dont promise that I have complete clarity even while I make up my mind to put all my stupid thoughts on to this new blog post. But have been hearing and experiencing mulitple emotions over the last few days/weeks/months that I felt some of them deserved a mention. Politically Correct ! Just heard this phrase all over again when Sheila Dikshit managed to win the recent Delhi elections . Apparently young people did believe that she was always politically correct. And it set my mind bells ringing. As you might already know, my command over English may not be that sound to understand the extreme nuances of what exactly this phrase meant and ofcourse, in the current mood, I wasnt willing to look thru wikipedia, so had no choice but to post it here hoping that some kind hearted soul might take few minutes to enlighten me. As far as I know, don't we all come across people who always try to be politically correct ( I guess I am not exactly referring to the political part of it here)... U know something like always political.. and( or should I use OR) always correct. Hmmm
Friends ! I should admit that I feel lucky...not just because, I have friends, but the last few months have suddenly proved that I have friends who seek me back, who relate to me, who stick by me, who are genuinely with me......after even years... from different shores... far across the distance & spaces ( oops that sounds like Titanic title song)...I have had people come back into my life, filling it with surprises, sweet memories and a lot of soul searching...I always had them in my mind... reaching out... searching for them through different mazes of networking sites, remembering the good old memories, wondering at times if there is anything that went wrong. Now I am back in touch with so many of my long lost friends that it feels really great. While on the subject of friends, it so happens that there were a couple of times I ended up thinking if some of them were as good a friend that I thought them to be...the trust factor comes into focus and then you feel the energy seeping out of you as these were people whom you considered part of your life...May be it just goes on to prove something that I always believed in - Choose your friends with utmost care… and never let them down… but if they let you down… then never count them as your friends…!
Fight against terrorism Offlate, this has become something that kept occupying my thoughts regularly. The terrorism that I refer to was not just the Mumbai terror attacks, it was against the people like me who never felt engaged with the society before, it was against our leaders who chose to dramatise our beliefs for their political benefits, it was against the society that was too busy to even think of neighbours, it was against the whole system that was left aloof. I cant help but mention a couple of incidents which are actually hurting me even now. First - the media that went berserk airing 62 hour terror telecasts, sudddenly has a new mantra - Battle for the states.. so what happens to all their commitment about what ever was being spoken about a week ago.. obviously, TRPs are more importants than terror trails... may be we should wait for the next terror attacks...Second - there was this guy whom we all met at a peace gathering, who was all guns blazing and who was so very passionate about forming a similar interest group etc etc. After we( about 200 of us who had felt something snap inside made it a point to meet at the Mahatma Gandhi Statue to light few candles) all dutifully collected all our contacts to make sure that we stick together and be in touch with each other.. Bingo, the guy seems to have suddenly disappeared with the entire list .. wonder whats keeping him back.. or obviously, the entire contacts might be safely tucked into some database for future reference.. may be we should wait for the next terror attacks... Third - we received numerous mails - with illustrations of Mumbai snaps and petitions online.. and memos to PM.. and peace rallies... hmmm, but then gradually they disappeared into the vacuum.. obviously, how long can poor souls like us who gets chewn up on all fronts show interest for the nation, for some city which gets attacked, for some people who get killed... how can we continue to care for others....I guess we are happy as long as it doesnt hit us... hmmm, may be we should wait for the next terror attacks... !
Marriage ! Hmm, one of my friends got married on Monday and I suddenly notice a few of my married friends( guys) empathising with this guy... whats happening guys, is it really that bad? or is it the general opinion guys have towards the marriage? Or is it just their way of having fun :)But on a serious note, do guys look at it as something which is sinister falling upon them? while we as women always felt that we were at a loosing end in a marriage ( loosing a lot of things and I dont want to get into the details here), why is there a sudden change of emotions that the new age guys seem to be experiencing? Marriage is not such a bad thing after all.. you know, when women can go through all that we do , put up with everything & everyone and still believe in it, I am sure u guys can give it a try too.... :)
There we go, I did tell u that it will leave u confused. and obviously it did become too long too.. so anyways as the clock ticks past mid night, its time to bring a closure to this post... So long..!!!