I feel; would you care?
I think; will you be there to share?
I reach; would you come back to where you left me long ago?
I walk; will you be around to say “Let’s go"?
I sit; would you count the stars for me?
I speak; will you break the silence with me?
I smile; would you become a sparkle of joy?
I cry; will you continue your life and enjoy?

Seeking you !

When I sit alone, most often,
I try to reach out and seek you...
Gradually you become a blurred collage
Of images & memories which are very few...

Nothing !

I wanted to write about quite a few things in the past few months..but somehow nothing got translated on to this webpage... nothing was that important.. but I thought of writing about the Mumbai Marathon...which I could never attend... ( we could not wake in time for that..) :)... and then about the horrible traffic....... the mutliple trips to the beaches.. ( I love the waves but the beaches in and around Mumbai are not worth it actually..).... discovering whole new things for Ajay to do... like Judo tournaments on weekend...dance classes... guitar lessons...skating practises.. Cyclothons.... and parents running like mad next to cycling kids.... and in between all this, the panic of preparing for the 5th standard semester end exams.... and then again chasing the husband to complete long pending tasks......and to top all that...all the multiple things at office....hmmm

inspite of all that.. actually theres nothing to write about....infact i feel lost and empty and that there is nothing on my mind..... life goes on......nothing happens any more... no matter what happens... :) thats one confusing state of mind...

There is no love !

In one insane moment of love,
She seem to have let go of you
She doesn’t belong to you any more
And the truth rapped her that never did you

She dwells in the deep bowels of earth
Where love and life are not so near
She doesn’t try to reach out any more
But when you miss her, will you atleast shed a tear

Phases of life seems to have zoomed by
Even as she stood there and tried to stop
Memories seeped and sank into the sands
From which more loveless lives seem to crop

The stars sprinkle their light across the skies
Waiting for your measured steps like the tide
While the moon shines down on her grave from above
She tries to push back the waves to find her place to hide

She searched her world for love in the midst
Of the broken bits of life; in sleep
Faces faded away even from the dreams,
There is no love; no more love that’s deep!

Glass walls !!!

Glass walls threaten to engulf
Even as the heart aches for your sight
Nothing matters any more
As the senses, no longer are right
Thoughts seem to suspend the trust and hope
That you will find the way back someway
Insane thoughts run down as tears
Haunting every night and everyday
Please don’t come into the dreams
As the longing intensifies for your presence more
Fade away even from the thoughts,
As it’s crushing the heart’s core !!!

Loving the languages !!!

All around me I see people speaking in different languages and it makes me only more curious to learn new ones... even as Ajju struggles to settle down at Mumbai, one of the main reasons being lack of fluency while conversing in Hindi and thus in turn resulting in failed attempts at making new friends that age , a tiny thought kept nudging through my head... Even though we have quite a few Telugu families around, I have noticed a couple of kids who can't even speak one word of the mother tongue. As we go ahead with our lives, is it not our duty to keep our kids aware of our roots? how far does the concept of speaking in mother tongue at home work these days....how many families actually think it to be important to bring up the kids exposing them to our real cultures, traditions and values? The fast paced cosmetic life seem to have taken over us so much that at times we fail to notice that we have left behind our true identities and personalities.

I remember learning to read & write Telugu in school as a second language in spite of being in English medium. I remember my granny teaching me to read & write Tamil at home grilling into me the importance of learning extra languages. Hindi and English had also become an integral part of our school lives by then. When I moved to Chennai, I could not help but thank my grandma for her farsightedness and it made so much of sense to know Tamil being in a state that is stuck in regional feelings. Here I also found my new friends from the neighbouring state of Kerala and I've got to mention this is one language I will probably never be able to read or write as it sounds so complicated. It took me few years to understand the dialogues as a whole and even more time to learn to utter few meaningful words without making my friends feel embarrassed. Did I forget to mention about my husband being born and brought up in Kolkatta which somehow makes him feel like a Bengali at heart always? ....through the years, as we made rounds of Durga Pujor pandals and Bengali sweet shops and restaurants... and also visiting Kolkatta couple of times, somehow makes me long to learn this mishti language. Being in Bangalore for the last 10 years had added Kannada to the family along with bits of slang picked up from my son's friends.

Somewhere during the course of time, I made it a point to ensure that my son picks up all these languages and puts them to use with appropriate people. When we moved to Mumbai some 4 months ago, it only increased my excitement that eventually I might end up picking up some Marathi for myself while my son kept trying to come to terms with French which sounds even stranger every time we open the school books. I have got to admit that he ends up giggling at the weird sounds that come out of me when I try to learn French from him... I am loving it !!! :)

P.S: I also did manage to hire a whole bunch of German speaking people for my earlier work assignment without knowing one bit of German. :)

Waves !!!

Rooted on the beach, the waves kept pounding the feet
Piling up sand, pulsating the thoughts
As if you are reaching out, across the miles
Whispering promises into the waves !

There was no fear any more, no more sinking into the sand
Far across the horizons, as the Sun kept going down
The waves kept getting bigger yet softer and milder
Gently touching the muted heart, kindling the memories !

Miles and miles of ocean seems to be tugging
Spreading the magic of hope, life and love
Like bridges connecting two worlds of silence
Warm messages are being sent through rugged music of waves!

Where is it gone?

Usually people could never keep me out of any conversation.. I was always part of any thing that was being spoken about, discussed, argued, fought,felt, written... etc etc ...I could actually hit it off right away even having non-stop conversations with complete strangers...in fact that's how this blog sprang up...as it gave me a platform to put my thoughts into words....I could write down everything that came to my mind,how much ever uninteresting... I could just drop it down here...where, I was my own reader, my own audience and my own critic....In a way it helped me address few silly things.. like avoiding mindless banter with people who eventually didn't mean anything to me, or reducing my conversations with things like my laptop( when I could not figure out complicated stuff), my plants ( but ever since my friend told me, I have started to sing to them instead and they are all in full bloom .. ). Though I continued to have random thoughts running through my mind , at times, multiple conversations with multiple characters in multiple languages (No, I haven't gone crazy.. at least not yet .. this just increased my capability of multi-tasking), but writing them all down at some point or the other, brought a kind of solace...something which I could read after a few days and probably feel good, bad, sad or stupid of myself.

But off late, I feel something very strange. As I try to reach inside and grab a few thoughts to spread them out here, I feel as if all of them are running away, trying to escape from my clutches ( keyboard, rather), thinning out into nothingness, hiding away in the deep crevices inside and eluding even from my memories and imaginations. Suddenly, there seem to be nothing around. Is this called a void? I don't know, I am not sure any more. I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry and do all the things that I always used to do. I go about my life as usual and don't see any visible changes unless you point out to me that Mumbai cant be Bangalore... but then, I am fairly certain that it has got nothing to do with this city, nor any of the numerous things that changed in the past few months. This is more like a process set in motion a long time ago, moving the huge blocks to set the pieces in place to complete a deeper puzzle which is turning out to be a maze day by day. I was slowly learning to let go of everything that stopped being meaningful - thoughts, dreams,ego, hatred, worry, fear, jealousy, memories, love.... But in the process, it saddens me to see less and less of thoughts that get transformed into words on this blog :(... This was surely something that I never wanted to let go...