Where do I find you in my life???

Where do I find you in my life?

Should I search for you in my dreams...

Or in all the words that got spoken...

Or in all the tears that got shed...

Or will you be in the silence of my heart...

Or in my eyes that turn red all the time...

Should I look for you in my empty mind...

Or in every breathe I take that calls your name...

Or in the lines of my palm which are wired...

Or will you be hidden in my soul deep inside...

Or in my senses that feel your presence everywhere...

Should I trace you to the corners of your world....

Or in my bits and pieces of memories that are left...

Or in all the silent prayers that I send up...

Or will you be behind the closed doors of my destiny...

Or in my love that is hurting me from within...

Where do I find you? Or will I ever find you ???

All over again!

She doesn't want to look at him...
He appears even when she closes her eyes...
She doesn't want to hear anything about him...
He drives her crazy every time she hears his voice...
She doesn't want to walk with him...
He comes to her whenever he feels lost...
She doesn't want to talk to him...
He whispers to her in all her dreams...
She doesn't want to cry for him...
He makes her laugh that leaves her in tears...
She doesn't want to remember him... 
He passes by and memories hold her back...
She doesn't want to care for him...
He reaches out and she stands with him...
She doesn't want to be anywhere near him...
He smiles and sends across hugs in the air...
She doesn't want to love him anymore...
He looks at her and she falls all over again...

Forever!

Everyday... she looked for you...
Every night... she cried for you...
In every wish, thought and hope...
She prayed for you...
When you glanced at her with love...
She shied away into a world of dreams...
But every time you hurt her...
She withered deep into her loveless life...
Through ups and downs of life...
She continues to wait for you..
Though you may never know...
She will continue to love you...

Dream !

Random words !

The nights we spent talking late

The smiles you brought on to my lips 

The dreams you got me to see

The hugs you sent in the air

The tears that flowed down my eyes 

The years that flew only with your thoughts 

The hopes that you left behind in my heart 

The memories that bring you back into my life

The love that won't let you go....

Do you ???

At times, when I reach out to you
do you see my outstretched hand?
Those moments when my eyes search for you
does your heart feel my presense around?

Sometimes, when the memories make me smile
do you recollect the weird things we did?
And, while I lie awake with your thoughts
do you see me in your dreams?

Often, when I long for your arms around me
do you know how hurt I feel inside?
And, while my heart has now gone silent
do you still think of all that we spoke late into the nights? 

Few times, when my eyes shed some tears
do you remember the closeness we shared ?
And, even while we fight it out in this world
do you believe we belong to another life?

Love that cannot be killed !

It cannot be stopped
It cannot be hidden
It let's the memories haunt you forever
It fails you every time you reach out
It forgives even when taken for granted
It cannot be held back
It keeps you hoping for miracles
It will not allow you to express
It tortures when you suppress
It makes you blind to all the faults
It makes you weep in the night
It lives in all your hopes
It makes you smile even when crying
It makes you feel stupid
It lets you be humiliated
It puts you down as vulnerable
It has you bound by the chains
It lets you fly high in the skies
It makes you long for just a glance
It takes you places just for a moment of togetherness
It tickles your very senses to the bone
It sizzles in the silence of your thoughts
It doesn't let you sleep
It flows out in your sleepless dreams
Love that cannot be killed
Even when you try and want to .......

Distant Flute Song...

It must have been just a passing cloud

Which chose to sprinkle some rain on her

She was drenched where she stood

Now her tears soak the earth around her feet

It must have been a distant flute song

The melodies of which made her dance

The trance of the tunes still haunt her

But the sounds have become mute in her heart

It must have been the life in dreams

Where only smiles and stars shine their way

The warmth of the hopes had made her glow

But now  even sleep doesnt easily cross her eyes

Few more thoughts...

Dear Heart...this one's for you...

Way back in  October 2008 I had written a blog post on similar lines .... This one probably begins where the last one ended.... that every relationship comes with an expiry date...

http://maddeningsilences.blogspot.in/2008/10/few-thoughts.html

Yet the greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones where you continue to be involved even when the significant other slowly starts to walk the other way. The ones where you tend to lose yourself in the process, yet you find yourself as an individual. The ones where it just makes you wonder how life tends to change people over the days/ months/ years.

The extreme emotions, the entangling feelings that suffocate you at times, the highs and lows , the excitement of belonging to someone but yet in the same breath the echoing silence of loneliness....The relationships that can bring you back to life in a minute, but kill you in the very next.

The relationships these days are so dynamic that the equations change dramatically that too pretty fast. People tend to be on so many different tangents that it becomes difficult for them to slow down or wait for you or care to be there for you. So for someone who is probably hanging on to something which is long gone, or was never there in the first place, it is not going to be an easy preposition to survive in such taxing scenarios.

The signs will keep coming, sometimes you smile, sometimes you cry but all the while, the dreams, hopes and wishes of someday will gradually start to die from deep within.

What ultimately makes sense is belief in you and you alone. You got to keep telling yourself that you are much stronger than this. You got to look ahead and keep moving even if it means all alone.

Me and my silence...

Sometimes, we sit together
holding on to each other's thoughts tight
words neither get spoken nor heard
as we wrap the stars around and stare into the night...

Multitude of emotions
take us far and wide
bringing forth smiles and tears
as we slowly gaze at the feelings and hide...

While the sleep eludes
all I have is my silence to hold
and I sit along by its side
leaving the dreams untold...

Will the dreams come back ???

At times, when she sits alone
Even in the engulfing chaos around
She strains to hear the foot falls…
Will the silence come back?

When she tries to refresh her thoughts

Set in a life linked across times

Warming the heart and raking the past...

Will the memories come back?

While she looks back at a life that’s gone

Trying to trace the path back into love

Like the showers of rain from above...

Will the smiles come back?

As the Sun goes down on another day       

Bridging the worlds with a ray of hope

She looks up to grab the stars again...

Will the dreams come back?

Can you let go ???

 A couple of years ago... I had posted this poem titled  "Letting Go ! ..."
A friend of mine recently helped me with a different version of that...So here we go with " Can you let go? " :)
Is there some strange feeling inside?
Will you be able to keep everything aside?
Do you want to reach out to the skies,
Or just go where the wilderness lies ?
If you walk into those far away cold mountains
would they be able to heat up your frozen heart?
Shedding the alien feelings and dependencies
that years have brought in, all the subtle changes
Can you let go of what goes on in your mind?
Setting you free of all things that bind…
As you stand alone looking back in time
Will you be able to let go of the memories?
As you try to look ahead at life…
Will you be able to let go of your aspirations?
Harmonizing various roles that you play
How can you let go of the emotions?
As the hopes wither and time flies by
Should you even let go of your dreams?
When all you are left with is you, you and you
How can you let go of what you are???

There is no love !

In one insane moment of love,
She seem to have let go of you
She doesn’t belong to you any more
And the truth rapped her that never did you

She dwells in the deep bowels of earth
Where love and life are not so near
She doesn’t try to reach out any more
But when you miss her, will you atleast shed a tear

Phases of life seems to have zoomed by
Even as she stood there and tried to stop
Memories seeped and sank into the sands
From which more loveless lives seem to crop

The stars sprinkle their light across the skies
Waiting for your measured steps like the tide
While the moon shines down on her grave from above
She tries to push back the waves to find her place to hide

She searched her world for love in the midst
Of the broken bits of life; in sleep
Faces faded away even from the dreams,
There is no love; no more love that’s deep!

Sounds of Silence !!!

Apart from wondering how silence can be anything else but maddening...it was even strange to imagine all the sounds of silence... some one once told me that silence speaks louder...and I guess I did learn gradually, that sounds of silence speak volumes....and as I try to pen down my thoughts, it is only to understand these bits & pieces of silence that at times work like a wonderful system of hometheatre to consume you for the complete experience.

Silence is when you are ecstatic about something but have no one around to share ! ( sounds like a recent mobile ad )

Silence is when you sit with your gang, happy about a small win... but not sure about the rounds to go ! ( This is definitely not a sound of silence.... may be you can call it Noise )

Silence is when you are not sure what your next step in life should be but deep inside you know that you have to take the decision ! ( Ufff...I love taking decisions...)

Silence is when there is no sign ! ( Hmmm.... for how long...?)

Silence is when you feel like a liberated soul caught in-between confused people and complex feelings ! ( this is an old one .. but yeah.. still holds good)

Silence is when you want to let go of everything and live in peace ! ( Just a dream...)

Silence is when your mind refuses to register all the voices that come from inside ! ( Guess its gone deaf)

Silence is when what you speak becomes incomprehendable even for yourself ! ( Is there a word like that???)

Silence is sleeping and giving time for yourself ! ( I like this one.. but sleep doesn't come easy ) :(

Silence is lying wide awake and dreaming about all your wishes coming true ! ( This I do a lot ) :)

Silence is missing someone so much that the memory becomes a tear, sliding down the cheeks, residing in your heart, giving you company in your solitude ! ( Its a sort of translation of something that I heard in a Telugu movie song- Gulabi.. ! )

Silence is when emotions over whelm you so much that you sit and stare out of the window in the middle of the nights ! ( The world around is so much better at night... trust me !)

Silence is when sudden changes take over your life and you have nothing to say ! ( you may get to know soon )

She Smiles….!!!

She thinks about her dreams
Those engulf her during the nights
As she opens her eyes to every dawn
She smiles, as they disappear with the daylights

She thinks about the blossomed love
The one that bloomed like wild flower
As she sees it gradually wither away
She smiles, as it’s just like her elusive lover

She thinks about the caring words
And the words that came through soothing silence
As she tries to solve their riddles
She smiles, as the confusions grow dense

She thinks about all the memories
Carefully gathered through moments of hope
As she separates the fantasies and wishes
She smiles, as they are enough for her to cope

She thinks about all her smiles
While her heart kept taking sudden dips
As she lets go of the forever dreams
She smiles, even as it fades away from her lips!!!