Radha Waits...!!!

I happened to receive a whole bunch of books & pictures from ISKCON today as part of our annual membership. As I saw my favorite picture of Radha-Krishna, I could not help but think of one of my poems written a while ago ( Re-posting it here). While my home hosts a multiple artworks of Radha-Krishna, this particular poem was written after watching an inspiring classical dance performance :).... The eternal wait of Radha...

Radha Waits…..

As the stars twinkle in the skies
As the river flows over the rocks
As her hair, with the breeze, flies
Radha dances away into the night

As the air carries your flute song
As her eyes search with hope
As you make her wait alone for long
Radha dances away into the night

As the evening fades away the light
As the moon looks down upon the earth
As all her doubts, she tries to fight
Radha dances away into the night

As her cheeks fill with her tears
As the beads of sweat glitter on her waist
As she struggles to silence her fears
Radha dances away into the night

As the shadow grows of that monster tree
As the birds slide into their nests for sleep
As from all the chains, she tries to break free
Radha dances away into the night

As she looks back at memories of yesterday
As she calls out to you to end your play
As she hopes to get over this someday
Radha dances away into the night

Gods of smaller things !!!

I never thought the 3rd post for this year will actually be something like reporting a misadventure. But I've got to share this with you all...before my memory fades out the minute details :)

I was in Chennai for the last couple of days, to attend a cousin's wedding yesterday.. and of course, as usual, time just flew by, dotted with visiting ailing aunts, one condolence visit, meeting all the cousins and checking out all the house ceremonies that were missed... etc etc.. this time around.. there was no time for even the Beach :(..... unfortunately, my pending visits list still stands incomplete and I could not even call my friends.... :( sorry guys...

Yesterday night, finally after attending the wedding reception, I managed to rush and take the train to Bangalore. I was travelling alone with Ajay and we were taking the train after a very long time ( The Hosur - Chennai highway is so cool that we got so used to driving down to Chennai frequently in less than 5 hours). The train was scheduled to reach Bangalore city at 4.30 in the morning, so we slept early, nicely tugged under our bedsheets and jackets.

Then I did something which I never did in my life before. Some one woke me up at 5.00 asking for their berth & I realised to my horror that we missed getting down at Bangalore :). I had not realised that my entire compartment was for Mysore quota and not one soul had stirred in their sleep. No lights were on and no commotion to wake me up till it was too late. After collecting my bags and shaking up Ajju awake, I went in search of the TTE who promised to give me a wake up alert :). Three compartments in a row, I saw only sleeping passengers and no sign of TTE. Finally, I found a gentleman standing at a door and asked about the next stop. He was nice enough to caution me not to get down at the next stop which was 10 minutes away as it was too dark and it might be difficult to even get buses back as it was a small town. So I stood talking to him, braving the cold , calling up Krishu and holding on to Ajju who was still trying to sleep in a standing posture. Then he helped me get down at a place which was like an hour and a half from Bangalore and gave me all the directions to go back . Ajju & me made our way to the station master to find out if there was any return train and I kind of found it weird all through. The station master was another gentleman I came across today. After getting to know that I was travelling alone with my son, he was really nice to come out with me to find a safe auto and told the driver to take me to the Bus stand. All kinds of things flashed through my mind as I took the auto through the lonely & dark roads though it was just 1 KM...( I even thought how Kareena must have felt in JWM). The auto driver even made sure that he waited with us till we managed to board a Bangalore bound bus. As I saw the break of dawn, while I travelled back, I could not help but think of all the strangers who helped me just like that... they didn't know me, I had never met them before, I don't even know their names even now, but they helped me without knowing what & who I am... this may not be a major thing, but for me, they made a difference....thankfully... there are still a few people around....Gods of smaller things !!!

Dasvidaniya !!!

Hmmm... What a movie...Just managed to catch up on this long pending movie and all through it, I kept wondering why I could not make time for it till now......I am not sure why such good films dont actually become Box Office Hits... may be the lack of glamour doesnt help much.... and it might not appeal to the NRI audience..... and it may not win us any Golden Globes or Oscars.. But good.... thankfully, atleast some one still went ahead and dared to make a straight forward movie honestly...

While I watched Amar Kaul living the last few days of his life on his own terms .. in a very subtle way....a thought kept gnawing at the back of my mind... If I were to make my own list of " 10 Things To Do Before I Die"...what all would feature on that list? Trust me , it was not very easy....Not because..... I had too many things on my list...but because... I was blank..... May be it would take time to think & plan.. may be the list will grow... may be there will be things to do in a hurry.... or may be there will be nothing....as the list seems to be completely blank & empty....... just like how I feel now..... Does that mean... I' ve no more wishes any more? ........Have I already done what ever I wanted to do ..or have I planned for everything that has to be done... or just didnt have anything to do? or have I given up on things already? .... How boring... !!!

Anyways... this being just the 2nd post of the year... will update you if the list picks up :)

The Two Men In My Life !!!

Things kept me busy... life became so hectic that I could not even check out my blog for a while now ... though its almost 18 days since a brand new year has started, I owe myself to wish each & everyone of you a happy, peacefilled & blessed new year...!!!

I should say the year started great...After a long time (read it as many years)... Krishnan & me had time for ourselves.. as Ajay had been to my mom's place for the christmas vacation... again after a long time, we decided to leave behind house parties and ventured out into an actual New Year bash......Though I felt a little out of place for sometime initially, I quickly made friends with a gang of gals... and what a time we had... cheering, wishing, singing along, and above all dancing away late into the night...when we finally exited from the party at about 1.30 in the night, I had a good feeling in my heart that its going to be one Kicking new year...oh yeah, I actually managed to turn around and literally kick one guy who was trying to act smart with us.... :)

The next day - 1st Jan 09, we drove down to chennai to be with Ajju, mom, sisters & their families... and the next 3 days were like a whirlwind tour ... complete with visits to relatives, beaches, parks, temples, restaurants, shopping... ufff , but had great fun :)

The two weekends that have just passed in Jan 09, have been 2 milestones on the personal front. While Krishu celebrated his 40th Bday on 4th Jan, Ajju celebrated his 10th Bday on 11th Jan... :)... while I sit back and think, I can only think about how much these guys mean to me in my life...In their own special ways, they have made a such a positive difference !!! They have been there for me and helped me in every possible way to be myself !!! Thank you Krishu & Thank you Ajju...

Restless Scorpio !!!

Hmmm... I seem to be a going through a lazy weekend....for a change.. nothing seems to be driving me..u know, some thing like, there s no mad rush to do anything... I woke up late, watched some dumb movie ( RNBDJ) till it reached the half time and I could no longer take it, tried getting things around the house in order ( I did try.. not sure how far I succeeded)... waited for some friends.. who never turned up..listened to some songs... read my book for a while..... loaded a few stupid snaps on to FB.. checked.. rechecked.. and double checked all my mail boxes to see if any new mail has arrived.. called up to speak to my son as I was missing him ( he is out roaming with my sisters, mom & his cousins in Kancheepuram) ...ate some fruits for lunch (breakfast was bread) ....called and bugged my husband to come home early from work.... tried working on some very complex Excel sheets ........and again went back to reading my book.... Uff..but nothing seems to be working...theres this restlessness that's there ... The Scorpio in me never liked being alone...!!!

Doordarshan Zindabad :)

Does anyone remember this good old serial on Doordarshan called " FAUJI" :) that was telecast some 20 yrs ago :) Yep, I know that would bring a smile onto the lips of atleast some of u old timers who managed to have a glimpse of King Khan in his first avatar....Abhimanyu Rai !!!:)

There was some interview being aired by CNN-IBN today and as Shahrukh spoke, I felt a flash of the dude - Abhimanyu Rai( the young hero of Fauji, on whom most of the gals went GaGa at that time) appear on the screen and it brought back memories :) .. Trust me we used to speak only about Shahrukh in the school on thursdays :) what lovely days of fun we had waiting for the wednesday - 9 pm .. dutifully looking forward for the one & only Doordarshan... :) just to check out Fauji .....Hmmmm.. and now it takes me back to all the other serials which were part & parcel of our peaceful lives ... if any one of u can recollect, it would be great to compile a list :) atleast for the sake of our kids :)

Guess this is one of my happy posts.. I see a lot of nice smileys :) Doordarshan Zindabad !!!

Multiple Emotions !!!

Even before I start, it might be required for me to warn you that as you approach the end of this post , this might surely confuse you, as I dont promise that I have complete clarity even while I make up my mind to put all my stupid thoughts on to this new blog post. But have been hearing and experiencing mulitple emotions over the last few days/weeks/months that I felt some of them deserved a mention.
Politically Correct !
Just heard this phrase all over again when Sheila Dikshit managed to win the recent Delhi elections . Apparently young people did believe that she was always politically correct. And it set my mind bells ringing. As you might already know, my command over English may not be that sound to understand the extreme nuances of what exactly this phrase meant and ofcourse, in the current mood, I wasnt willing to look thru wikipedia, so had no choice but to post it here hoping that some kind hearted soul might take few minutes to enlighten me. As far as I know, don't we all come across people who always try to be politically correct ( I guess I am not exactly referring to the political part of it here)... U know something like always political.. and( or should I use OR) always correct. Hmmm

Friends !
I should admit that I feel lucky...not just because, I have friends, but the last few months have suddenly proved that I have friends who seek me back, who relate to me, who stick by me, who are genuinely with me......after even years... from different shores... far across the distance & spaces ( oops that sounds like Titanic title song)...I have had people come back into my life, filling it with surprises, sweet memories and a lot of soul searching...I always had them in my mind... reaching out... searching for them through different mazes of networking sites, remembering the good old memories, wondering at times if there is anything that went wrong. Now I am back in touch with so many of my long lost friends that it feels really great. While on the subject of friends, it so happens that there were a couple of times I ended up thinking if some of them were as good a friend that I thought them to be...the trust factor comes into focus and then you feel the energy seeping out of you as these were people whom you considered part of your life...May be it just goes on to prove something that I always believed in - Choose your friends with utmost care… and never let them down… but if they let you down… then never count them as your friends…!

Fight against terrorism
Offlate, this has become something that kept occupying my thoughts regularly. The terrorism that I refer to was not just the Mumbai terror attacks, it was against the people like me who never felt engaged with the society before, it was against our leaders who chose to dramatise our beliefs for their political benefits, it was against the society that was too busy to even think of neighbours, it was against the whole system that was left aloof. I cant help but mention a couple of incidents which are actually hurting me even now. First - the media that went berserk airing 62 hour terror telecasts, sudddenly has a new mantra - Battle for the states.. so what happens to all their commitment about what ever was being spoken about a week ago.. obviously, TRPs are more importants than terror trails... may be we should wait for the next terror attacks...Second - there was this guy whom we all met at a peace gathering, who was all guns blazing and who was so very passionate about forming a similar interest group etc etc. After we( about 200 of us who had felt something snap inside made it a point to meet at the Mahatma Gandhi Statue to light few candles) all dutifully collected all our contacts to make sure that we stick together and be in touch with each other.. Bingo, the guy seems to have suddenly disappeared with the entire list .. wonder whats keeping him back.. or obviously, the entire contacts might be safely tucked into some database for future reference.. may be we should wait for the next terror attacks... Third - we received numerous mails - with illustrations of Mumbai snaps and petitions online.. and memos to PM.. and peace rallies... hmmm, but then gradually they disappeared into the vacuum.. obviously, how long can poor souls like us who gets chewn up on all fronts show interest for the nation, for some city which gets attacked, for some people who get killed... how can we continue to care for others....I guess we are happy as long as it doesnt hit us... hmmm, may be we should wait for the next terror attacks... !

Marriage !
Hmm, one of my friends got married on Monday and I suddenly notice a few of my married friends( guys) empathising with this guy... whats happening guys, is it really that bad? or is it the general opinion guys have towards the marriage? Or is it just their way of having fun :)But on a serious note, do guys look at it as something which is sinister falling upon them? while we as women always felt that we were at a loosing end in a marriage ( loosing a lot of things and I dont want to get into the details here), why is there a sudden change of emotions that the new age guys seem to be experiencing? Marriage is not such a bad thing after all.. you know, when women can go through all that we do , put up with everything & everyone and still believe in it, I am sure u guys can give it a try too.... :)

There we go, I did tell u that it will leave u confused. and obviously it did become too long too.. so anyways as the clock ticks past mid night, its time to bring a closure to this post... So long..!!!

She Smiles….!!!

She thinks about her dreams
Those engulf her during the nights
As she opens her eyes to every dawn
She smiles, as they disappear with the daylights

She thinks about the blossomed love
The one that bloomed like wild flower
As she sees it gradually wither away
She smiles, as it’s just like her elusive lover

She thinks about the caring words
And the words that came through soothing silence
As she tries to solve their riddles
She smiles, as the confusions grow dense

She thinks about all the memories
Carefully gathered through moments of hope
As she separates the fantasies and wishes
She smiles, as they are enough for her to cope

She thinks about all her smiles
While her heart kept taking sudden dips
As she lets go of the forever dreams
She smiles, even as it fades away from her lips!!!