Restless Scorpio !!!

Hmmm... I seem to be a going through a lazy weekend....for a change.. nothing seems to be driving me..u know, some thing like, there s no mad rush to do anything... I woke up late, watched some dumb movie ( RNBDJ) till it reached the half time and I could no longer take it, tried getting things around the house in order ( I did try.. not sure how far I succeeded)... waited for some friends.. who never turned up..listened to some songs... read my book for a while..... loaded a few stupid snaps on to FB.. checked.. rechecked.. and double checked all my mail boxes to see if any new mail has arrived.. called up to speak to my son as I was missing him ( he is out roaming with my sisters, mom & his cousins in Kancheepuram) ...ate some fruits for lunch (breakfast was bread) ....called and bugged my husband to come home early from work.... tried working on some very complex Excel sheets ........and again went back to reading my book.... Uff..but nothing seems to be working...theres this restlessness that's there ... The Scorpio in me never liked being alone...!!!

Doordarshan Zindabad :)

Does anyone remember this good old serial on Doordarshan called " FAUJI" :) that was telecast some 20 yrs ago :) Yep, I know that would bring a smile onto the lips of atleast some of u old timers who managed to have a glimpse of King Khan in his first avatar....Abhimanyu Rai !!!:)

There was some interview being aired by CNN-IBN today and as Shahrukh spoke, I felt a flash of the dude - Abhimanyu Rai( the young hero of Fauji, on whom most of the gals went GaGa at that time) appear on the screen and it brought back memories :) .. Trust me we used to speak only about Shahrukh in the school on thursdays :) what lovely days of fun we had waiting for the wednesday - 9 pm .. dutifully looking forward for the one & only Doordarshan... :) just to check out Fauji .....Hmmmm.. and now it takes me back to all the other serials which were part & parcel of our peaceful lives ... if any one of u can recollect, it would be great to compile a list :) atleast for the sake of our kids :)

Guess this is one of my happy posts.. I see a lot of nice smileys :) Doordarshan Zindabad !!!

Multiple Emotions !!!

Even before I start, it might be required for me to warn you that as you approach the end of this post , this might surely confuse you, as I dont promise that I have complete clarity even while I make up my mind to put all my stupid thoughts on to this new blog post. But have been hearing and experiencing mulitple emotions over the last few days/weeks/months that I felt some of them deserved a mention.
Politically Correct !
Just heard this phrase all over again when Sheila Dikshit managed to win the recent Delhi elections . Apparently young people did believe that she was always politically correct. And it set my mind bells ringing. As you might already know, my command over English may not be that sound to understand the extreme nuances of what exactly this phrase meant and ofcourse, in the current mood, I wasnt willing to look thru wikipedia, so had no choice but to post it here hoping that some kind hearted soul might take few minutes to enlighten me. As far as I know, don't we all come across people who always try to be politically correct ( I guess I am not exactly referring to the political part of it here)... U know something like always political.. and( or should I use OR) always correct. Hmmm

Friends !
I should admit that I feel lucky...not just because, I have friends, but the last few months have suddenly proved that I have friends who seek me back, who relate to me, who stick by me, who are genuinely with me......after even years... from different shores... far across the distance & spaces ( oops that sounds like Titanic title song)...I have had people come back into my life, filling it with surprises, sweet memories and a lot of soul searching...I always had them in my mind... reaching out... searching for them through different mazes of networking sites, remembering the good old memories, wondering at times if there is anything that went wrong. Now I am back in touch with so many of my long lost friends that it feels really great. While on the subject of friends, it so happens that there were a couple of times I ended up thinking if some of them were as good a friend that I thought them to be...the trust factor comes into focus and then you feel the energy seeping out of you as these were people whom you considered part of your life...May be it just goes on to prove something that I always believed in - Choose your friends with utmost care… and never let them down… but if they let you down… then never count them as your friends…!

Fight against terrorism
Offlate, this has become something that kept occupying my thoughts regularly. The terrorism that I refer to was not just the Mumbai terror attacks, it was against the people like me who never felt engaged with the society before, it was against our leaders who chose to dramatise our beliefs for their political benefits, it was against the society that was too busy to even think of neighbours, it was against the whole system that was left aloof. I cant help but mention a couple of incidents which are actually hurting me even now. First - the media that went berserk airing 62 hour terror telecasts, sudddenly has a new mantra - Battle for the states.. so what happens to all their commitment about what ever was being spoken about a week ago.. obviously, TRPs are more importants than terror trails... may be we should wait for the next terror attacks...Second - there was this guy whom we all met at a peace gathering, who was all guns blazing and who was so very passionate about forming a similar interest group etc etc. After we( about 200 of us who had felt something snap inside made it a point to meet at the Mahatma Gandhi Statue to light few candles) all dutifully collected all our contacts to make sure that we stick together and be in touch with each other.. Bingo, the guy seems to have suddenly disappeared with the entire list .. wonder whats keeping him back.. or obviously, the entire contacts might be safely tucked into some database for future reference.. may be we should wait for the next terror attacks... Third - we received numerous mails - with illustrations of Mumbai snaps and petitions online.. and memos to PM.. and peace rallies... hmmm, but then gradually they disappeared into the vacuum.. obviously, how long can poor souls like us who gets chewn up on all fronts show interest for the nation, for some city which gets attacked, for some people who get killed... how can we continue to care for others....I guess we are happy as long as it doesnt hit us... hmmm, may be we should wait for the next terror attacks... !

Marriage !
Hmm, one of my friends got married on Monday and I suddenly notice a few of my married friends( guys) empathising with this guy... whats happening guys, is it really that bad? or is it the general opinion guys have towards the marriage? Or is it just their way of having fun :)But on a serious note, do guys look at it as something which is sinister falling upon them? while we as women always felt that we were at a loosing end in a marriage ( loosing a lot of things and I dont want to get into the details here), why is there a sudden change of emotions that the new age guys seem to be experiencing? Marriage is not such a bad thing after all.. you know, when women can go through all that we do , put up with everything & everyone and still believe in it, I am sure u guys can give it a try too.... :)

There we go, I did tell u that it will leave u confused. and obviously it did become too long too.. so anyways as the clock ticks past mid night, its time to bring a closure to this post... So long..!!!

She Smiles….!!!

She thinks about her dreams
Those engulf her during the nights
As she opens her eyes to every dawn
She smiles, as they disappear with the daylights

She thinks about the blossomed love
The one that bloomed like wild flower
As she sees it gradually wither away
She smiles, as it’s just like her elusive lover

She thinks about the caring words
And the words that came through soothing silence
As she tries to solve their riddles
She smiles, as the confusions grow dense

She thinks about all the memories
Carefully gathered through moments of hope
As she separates the fantasies and wishes
She smiles, as they are enough for her to cope

She thinks about all her smiles
While her heart kept taking sudden dips
As she lets go of the forever dreams
She smiles, even as it fades away from her lips!!!

How long are we going to take it???

They have done it again... Mumbai burns.. and it depresses & angers us all....the unknown face of terror is unleashed upon innocent humanity.. and yet again we go about doing what we usually do... some of us call our friends & family to make sure they are all safe, some of us watch the endless replays of media havoc, some of us do definately talk about it with everyone around, some of us curse every possible person/outfit responsible, some of us empathise with all the victims, some of us actually go about lighting online candles to show our solidarity and support, some of us go about compromising saying this happens all over the world-all the time and some of us just don't care.... ( we are too busy with our own lives you see.......)

Whats happening with our country???....... It hurts !!!!

Connecting my various blog posts

" He comes to her unexpectedly…. Like the ray of a hidden light….that can hit her suddenly…at any moment…!"
Its just a line from the Ayn Rand authored book - "Atlas Shrugged" , while referring to the characters -Dagny Taggort & Francisco d'Anconia...

I guess I can relate to that....connect it to quite a few of my earlier blog posts & it just goes on to strengthen the belief in something that I always felt........"Just let it go… It shall come back if its any true.. If it doesn’t.. then it never was …."

Men are from Mars !!!

Do men actually have that kind of control on us? Even while we keep going about our lives.. multitasking our multiple roles...they can actually make us long for them....subtly...surprisingly... stupidly.....They come to us only when they feel like.. and when they need us ........and they can actually shut out and close if they dont need us for a while... having their own lives...engrossed in their own stuff......going into their own caves ( thats the justification I got from a male friend).....its not just with me..I've seen it with almost all the women that I know..but these men might not even realise how much it affects us ....at times it almost borders on selfishness and being insensitive... and if you ask for anything.. or express your feelings.. its like we have expectations... we are unreasonable.....we are illogical.. we are never happy & satisfied....we always want more....

But how long do you keep reaching out?... how long will you keep trying to give it a shot? .. how long will you keep putting up with things? will they ever know that we are not expecting anything as they assume? and we are surely not being unreasonable in comparing? will they know only after they loose us? or will they ever loose us... ? or are we going to be sticking around..... u know .... like always being there for them? :)

Missing Him !!!

How does she tell him that she is missing him?
When all she can feel are walls around
How does she say that he is her everything?
When she lost her way with her feet aground

How does she know if it’s reaching him?
All the tears that were shed over lonely nights
Would he even know about the inflicting torture?
As she tries to challenge her lonely fights

How will he ever know about her love?
When all he cared about was his feelings that were muted
How will she prove that she is aching for him?
When all her hopes, on him were rooted

How will he ever know, that time is flying by?
And that his silence is slicing through her heart
How will he even know about her eternal wait?
Though it seems to be taking her apart

How does she scream out her pain?
That she lost out her life and tried
How does he come to know about all the times?
When she just stood there and cried

How would he ever know, what he is to her?
How would he ever know that she is missing him???

Looking Back !!!

There was this dialogue in a Julia Robert's movie -'Sleeping with the enemy'...................

"IT NEVER STARTED !!!"

3 little words.. yet I guess they left a lasting impact to be embedded into the memory...

http://maddeningsilences.blogspot.com/2007/12/confused-people-complex-feelings_22.html

Manam Virumbudhe!!!

Here we go with another translation !!! As I listened to this song today from a Tamil Movie made Some time ago ....Manam Virumbudhe from Nerukku Ner..., the thought of translating it started bugging me :) and again I hope it makes some kind of sense ...
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=AJRdgfH_EDs
_______________________________________________________

My heart likes you, so much
That my eyes fight back the sleep
Your thoughts spread calm inside,
As your face resides in that heart that’s deep
Oh dear! I seem to be loosing myself
And I don’t even seem to know your identity!

As you gave me that glance
And your face bloomed with a beautiful smile
It’s like a lightening bolt that hit me
Even as I struggled to come out of that
I wonder who pasted your beautiful face
Right across my heart
It’s like a storm that’s passing through my life
Just feel my heart beat to know what I am going through
My heart seems to be longing for you……

I was never drenched by the pouring rains
I never melted with the blazing sun
I had become a rock weathering through the life
But like a tiny wild flower that blooms
On the rocky patch of mighty mountains
This stupid love seems to have come alive
I wonder what the destiny holds in store
As I didn’t know till now, that hearts are made only to love…!

Maddening Silence !!!

Its engulfing...completely taking me back through years...and it keeps hitting me in phases......how many incidents, how many people, how many faces, how many words, how many stupid feelings, how many memories,...... and some ppl do disappear from our lives.... as suddenly as they come into our lives... and all we get left with are memories....and Maddening Silence in the hearts !!!!

Thinking of you..!!!

This is one of my fav songs in Telegu...( from the movie - Gulabi)....so very sweet.. and so very nice..... I had actually tried to translate this into English as one of my poems.. am not sure how far I could succeed..... but do listen & check out the song... :-)

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=89UeL8F-Dgk

What would you be doing at this time?
Every moment I keep thinking about the same……….

I have left my heart somewhere
And now it appears to have become your shadow.
It refuses to come back to me
But how could this be true?
Neither were you here nor was I there,
How did you work wonders on me…..…?

Your thoughts seem to keep me awake
Into the wee hours of the lonely nights
They drive me into doing everything
Even during the busy times of broad daylights
How do I spend my life?
What should I do to end this grief………..?

Where ever I turn & whatever I do
I always have your presence felt
My eyes don’t seem to be taking in
Anything else other than you
You seem to have cast your charm on me
Ho do I come out of this magic spell…………?

There must be some intoxication
In every letter that forms your name
There must be some numbing passion
In your sweet caring voice
I seem to get lost in your dreams
And every moment I spend in your thoughts

Would you be even thinking about me?
Will you be able to look straight in my eyes?
Judge my feelings and utter few words
Did you ever think about the emotional ties?
Or are you just having a good laugh?
As you see that I am losing my mind.

What would you be doing at this time? Every moment I keep thinking about the same………..

Unconventional !!!!

The messages will keep coming…the signals will keep warning…all possible forces will keep indicating to hold back…but when its in your destiny…is there any way to stop what is bound to happen…As you look down upon your actions….what hits you the most?... what you want to do… or what you end up doing to yourself?…when you feel suddenly vulnerable…what happens to oneself?… does the façade of bravery & strength that was built over the years start to crack under the pressure?… or does it get stronger to support you and shield you more?… as you put forward a step towards the brighter horizons…does your illuminations actually blind the people around you?....if you are a woman with volatile combinations … extreme emotions….a typical unconventional woman…does it get any more difficult to stand up for your own beliefs , feelings and inclinations?

Few Thoughts!!!

It was a while ago... but getting to post now...adding up an atricle on to my blog :)
_________________________________________________
It doesn’t make any sense any more… Its like…“Don’t let anyone become a priority in life for whom you are just an option….Open your eyes and see the things as they really are…”

No… it doesn’t make me feel sad or angry or depressed… may be u can say... Over a period of time… I have learnt to look at things more practically…may be more maturely…that if any one is behaving differently… if they are becoming strangers by the day... may be they have their own reasons for being that way… so actually its doesn’t make any sense for us to be breaking our heads over anything... sometimes, I feel, we should stop having any kind of expectations and learn to lead our own lives as long as it goes…. its like we should not depend on any one else ... not even for our happiness …..Or for the inner peace...or the contentment… that at times we keep loosing...

Life changes each day and so do our priorities, but we as humans love to remain in our comfort zone and never accept that there is nothing constant but change. For some of us priorities change and the entire philosophy of living up to some one’s expectation changes. However the story may not be true on the other side…the expectations still lingers… and the longing continues...

At the end of the day the one who has moved on never appreciates or values your expectations as he or she would have done in the past. The net result is the feeling of rejection/dejection and frustration. Never make the mistake of trying to make that person realize how it feels… at the end of the exercise it is trying to expect a horse to fly. Finally what we enter into is (what I term) a “Toxic – Relationship” where bitterness seems to be the life and breath of the association.

You end up being an option like 100s of others where at once you just seemed to be the only solution.

The sooner we accept that any relationship changes with each passing day, the easier it becomes to cope up with the changing face of every relationship in life. Because life is not about how many breaths you take but how many moments that took your breath away!

Considering that every relationship comes with an expiry date… There’s nothing like you loose touch with people… its just that they played their role in your life and silently left the stage ….

My Miracle !!!

As the years rolled by, and days kept fading
The longing grew as emptiness filled my time
Then I guess God did plan my miracle
And knew when the bells should chime

Deep into the nights when the world sleeps around
My eyes refuse to close as they earlier used to
I stare at the night sky and send out a prayer
And wonder if my miracle is seeing the same stars too

Words of silence to show all the care
Mutual emotions that dwell from deep within
Connecting the souls, yearning to be
Something quite strange yet fascinating starts to begin

When my life is crazy, it’s a second of sanity
When I feel stressed out, it’s my moment of ease
While I fight my battles, it’s becoming a strength I posses
When I am just myself, it seems to be like a gentle breeze

It lets me to be myself, shedding the masks
Slowly wiping away the fears without a trace
My lips curve more, to bring out what I feel with in
Yes, it managed to put back that smile on my face!

Alvida!!!

Love this song from Life in a Metro...It makes so much of sense ...When you listen to it play in the middle of the night when everything around you is silent....When you sit alone and think of things that affected your life...When you feel helpless about the aspects that you have no control on... When you have mixed feelings about whats happening....When you are not sure about what you want and what you have.....When you feel all alone in everything you feel and do...When you know for sure that its time to let it go....Just letting go.. :-) ...

This is for everyone who can relate to the song...The lyrics for your easy reference ...

"Chupke se kahin, dheeme paaun se
jaane kis tarah, kis ghadi
aage badh gaye, humse raahon mein
par tum toh abhi thi yahin
kuch bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila
kaise keh diya alvida

Jinke darmiya gujri thi abhi
kal tak yeh meri zindagi
dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvida

Alvida, alvida, meri raahein alvida
meri saansein kehati hai, alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

Sunle bekhabar, yuun aankhein pher kar aaj tu chali jaa
dhundegi nazar humko hi magar har jagah
aisi raaton mein leke karvate, yaad hamein karna
aur phir haar kar kehna kyun magar, keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

Hum the dil jale, phir bhi dil kahe
kaash mere sang aaj hote tum agar, hoti har dagar gulsitaa
tumse hai khafa, hum naaraaz hai, dil hai pareshaan
socha na suna tune kyun bhala keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, ab kehna aur kyajab tune keh diya, alvida
kyun socha aur kahan alvida

dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvida"

A Tear !!!

A tear makes its way down...slowly and steadily...waiting until the emotions actually brim it to the full...God knows where it originated and for what specific reason...but then it slowly slides down... tracing the path that seems to have well defined...carrying with it some million dreams, million hopes, million feelings..... gradually getting absorbed into the texture of the skin... or is it just the fact that it wanted to disappear before it caught anyone's attention... as this tear was precious... it came down when no one was watching... when it was at its most vulnerable phase....when it was important not to shed and waste them on undesirable and unworthy aspects....but yet, it was an amazing display of synchronization...taking into count the multiple emotions that dwell in the heart, considering the numerous things that run through the minds, bringing it out through the eyes which can only reflect true feelings...wetting the cheeks ... finally making its way back to the heart....to probably hide away eternally...!!!

Little Smiles!!!

This week has been a mixed bag of complex feelings! You can say completely different emotions rocked me up...!

Bunch of kindergarten children from SOS Children's village...visited our office as part of our SMILE initiative...such cute children... and how cruel it must be to be parent less in this big bad world.. :-(... but the fun they had and their little smiles... brought tears to my eyes...they just went on to prove how little it takes to be happy... chocolates, balloons..and lot of cheers was all that they needed.. and it left me wondering where we have left behind all those innocent unpolitical lives.... and yes, it also made me realise something else...I never expected most of my colleagues to turn up at the cafeteria... but then.. I guess the children did the magic... the place was packed and the crowd kept cheering even a small rhyme, songs and dance ... and the shy smiles of the children... :-) Thanks guys... Tavant rocks..

The other incident was yesterday... Yes... Indian Independence Day...I had gone to attend the independence day celebrations at the government school where I go on weekends to teach....during the last one year, i have done nothing big for them... just went on Saturdays..to teach English lessons from whatever little I know... and helped them to conduct painting competition as part of independence day activities.... and they wanted me on the stage to give away the prizes to the winners.... It was my first such experience.. and I was not sure if I even deserved being on that stage... but to see the smiles of children who came to receive and thank me made it a worthwhile experience....and then came cultural programs which blew my mind away..... believe me these are under privileged children... most of the smaller children come to school only for the free food they get in the afternoons.... and here they were dancing and singing and giving speeches...... and they were just amazing with whatever little they know... and imagine we spend thousands of rupees training different things... hiring costumes... booking auditoriums ... drinks.. dinner.. dance.. etc etc..phew...

Of late.. it makes me think..... I guess I just want to do more to these small children...give more time, energy, efforts and money... all the other stupid things that we keep doing doesn't make any sense at times... .. may be its time to let go.. and do whatever would bring peace to my mind... time to stop trying to please everyone around.. with plastic smiles... and be among genuine smiles....

Kaleidoscope

Isn’t it a beautiful thing that shows us different designs and patterns and colours?

Sometime I feel its so much like our life... life that’s full of broken pieces that mix and match and form different patterns… pieces that have been brought together from different places…different scenarios…different people…different lives…different pieces - some that have been there for ages….some that suddenly draw your attention… some that sweep you off your feet…some that tell you to slow down… some that wait to cut through to your soul…some that make you wait forever to show their magic…some that refuse to budge from their places…some that show you fake colours and characters … some that make you cry… and all that gets shaken up once in a while …

Hmmm….let me end it here for now.. its time to shake myself to entertain others around…

Completely Wired !!!

Why do I feel lost at times? and I wonder whats consuming my thoughts? In fact as I was mentioning to a friend yesterday, at times, I do feel empty inside. It's as if I am trying to gain access or reach out somewhere and grab all that I want.. something that's being ever elusive...may be I got it all wrong....Of course, I am capable of being stupid at times...

Anyways...right now, the numerous thoughts that run through my mind are like different wires flowing out of my life...may be I am just entangled somewhere amidst them...

Some links that interested me

Aamir Khan:
I ve known him since the time I was in shcool ( I never said he knows me ) :-) ... and I remember all the gals in my class going weak in the knees for the chocolate hero of the QSQT days... It was good to come across his blog recently...Man.. this guy knows to write..or even if some of us keep thinking that he s not doing it himself.. may be this guy knows how to get it written :-) quite insightful I should say...
http://aamirkhan.com/blog.htm

MS Dhoni:
I heard someone call him Airconditioned Captain...should I say I second it ... third it.. fourth it etc etc... He is one cool guy...There s something about him that makes u think...not think abt him alone... but think abt ourselves too... like " what I'd have done if I am in his place" or " what he would have done if he 's in my place"...
The other day, I was telling my husband while we watched a presentation ceremony at the end of a match..." Imagine the grit, determination, focus, direction, command, grooming, looks, language , communication skills, maturity and cool headedness to reach the levels he has acheived from the bylanes of a small town like Ranchi"....May be again my thoughts are clouded..as another friend pointed out to me... " No body is perfect untill u fall in love with them" ... but then, don't we do that all the time...with everyone...so whats the big deal...
Way to go buddy... Yo Dhoni!!!!

http://www.dhoni.org/

Mother Earth!!!

You can feel her in the gentle breeze
As she caresses and passes by your face
She can woo you with her subtle touches
As the birds chirp from trees that stand in grace

You can feel her in the waves that rise
As each wave, with more power comes your way
Isn’t she telling you to keep going? As some day,
The clouding foam will surely wither away

You can feel her in the pouring rain
Or is it just that she is in tears?
As we scatter around to protect ourselves
May be she is protesting and living her own fears…

You can feel her in the Earth that quakes
At times, may be it’s her way to show her power
We may dig deeper to raise the sky high homes
But she is the one who provides us with land to hover

You can feel her in the greenery that we destroy
Oh! Obviously she would be in pain
But, aren’t we looking only at our development around?
Why care for now, when we stand to gain?

You can feel her in the increasing list of endangered species
As we spread our claws and occupy their space
May be she is just waiting for her turn
But when she fights back, we may not win this race…

You can feel her in the disappearing islands
You can feel her in the ice that’s melting down
You can feel her in the heat waves and drowning floods
She may soon disappear and we may not be around even to mourn…
________________________________________________________
written on the occassion of World Environment Day - 5th June 08. We had varios initiatives at work, one of which was - Dedicate an article on your personal blog.

Letting Go!!!

There is this strange feeling inside
Will I be able to keep everything aside?
I want to reach out to the skies
Or just go where the wilderness lies
Walk into those far away cold mountains
Would they be able to heat up my frozen heart?
Shedding the alien feelings and dependencies
That years have brought in, all the subtle changes
Can I let go of what goes on in my mind?
Setting myself free of all things that bind…
As I stand alone looking back in time
Will I be able to let go of the memories?
As I try to look ahead at life…
Will I be able to let go of my aspirations?
Harmonizing various roles that I play
How can I let go of the emotions?
As the hopes wither and time flies by
Should I even let go of my dreams?
When all I am left with is I, me and myself
How can I let go of what I am???

My Son !!! :-)

Before he cries... he tries... !!!
(Just trying to borrow a sentence from my friend.. ) :-)

Annual exams... trying times...and I wonder what all must be going through that little mind during that little time... He actually tells me that he gets nervous for the first 10 minutes and then he tells his mind to cool down and relax ... ( his exact words) ....and I don't have a heart to tell him that this is just the beginning in this big bad world :-)

All the best Ajju !!!

Eternal Search ...!

Pasted across all over her memories
He comes to her in broad daylight
Even while she remains wide awake
He lives in her dreams at night

Thousands of lives that she lives with him
In heaven, with all its charms
Through ups and downs, joy & sorrow
He becomes her smile as she cuddles in his arms

Through the vacuum filled loneliness
He is her collage of memories, a modern art
When she misses him more than she can express
He becomes a tear, sliding down to her heart

As her heart goes through the eternal search
Is he very far or just very near?
She wonders what’s holding him back
Can’t he at least make that clear?

She just wonders, how many years more
As she waits for that one last meet
It’s not so easy, as it may appear
But to be with him, her prayers, she repeats

Through unsent mails and unspoken words
As the urge raises to end the game
There’s just this one hope, someday soon,
On her phone screen, would blink, his name…

Love!

What's Love , Darling? If its not self sacrifice....
Just another line I read from a book titled "Atlas Shrugged" by Ian Rand...

Doesn't love come in different forms.. and at different times.... yet.. isn't it very surprising that we actually have only one particular day to celebrate Love... Anyway...I carefully choose this time to post this message... just past mid night ..as one more Valentine's Day quietly passes by...

Love ...is it something that we already have... or is it something that we always want ? or is it something that we cannot accept? or is it something that cannot be expressed? or is it something that cannot be held? or is it something that makes us feel miserable..... when you miss someone more than you can express???

Here's another forward message: When you love someone, say it right then..right there...or the moment just passes by...!!!

Someone out there !!!

This is some thing which was written quite a while ago...The friend who made me write this is quite far away now.... but when she called me recently and mentioned about this poem which summarised her pain and said that it always brought back memories... I don't know why... .. just felt like reposting this one again...

Someone out there !!!

She tried to push him into her past
But everything about him haunts her still
She wished to God that she would forget him
But now she realized, she never will

Her heart seems to have frozen in time
Cobwebs of memories she still does keep
Drying tears do escape at times
Into her dreams, he always creeps

Ripples have become massive waves
And thundering skies all but clear
As she tries to hold that untouched love
Yearnings come, but he is nowhere

This pain appears to live inside her
Even while she tries to stop this nightmare
She wonders, if he still thinks of her
For her, did he ever really care?

He lives in her every tear that falls
Triggers her every poem & prose
She was always like an open book
Probably he chose to shut her close!

Unsent Mails...!!!

Now......., how many of us have such unsent mails stored away??...safely tucked in some folder or the other... either long forgotten or with memories that haunt us all the time...... and how many of us wonder and think about with regret... "I should have sent it at that time".....:-) Sigh...!!!

I wonder why do we even write them.. ? be it official mails, personal mails, private mails, long pending mails, formality sake mails...we write them with utmost care... moving things here and there and making changes.... thanks to Microsoft , spell checks, Thesaurus and copy,paste commands... that we actually need not worry about the numerous crumpled sheets that used to get thrown into the dust bins in the ancient times...

We write them with anxiety, worry, anger, frustrations, hatred, hope, happiness, longing to get things sorted and all other mixed feelings at times... but then when it comes to hitting the send button..... our fingers seem to freeze..or the moment just passes by....:-(

When all we want is to express what we feel, why do we even hesitate and think so much about other person's reaction?

How stupid, right?...!!!

Who knows???

He even refused to take my telephone calls...May be I reminded him of the life that he wanted to forget...I'll tell you one thing though...It hurt...

( A line from the book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari")

What can I say???

It did !!!

Miracles do happen !!! :-) ( refer to the post below)

Btw.. heard this song in the morning today... its in Kannada..from the movie " Mungaru Male" ( the only kannada movie that I ever dared to see.... but I just loved it )

Ivanu geliyanalla... gelathi naanu modhale alla.... ( still trying to figure out what it actually means)

Let me know if you got it right....

2008...!!!

I kept wondering about what I should start the year with? what should I write first on this blog to start 2008... but somehow, the beginning was behind me even before I could pull myself out of all the action that was happening around...now I guess I want to leave them behind... all the events that took my life, breathe and sleep away for a while...So...there you go... Year End work, Audits, Appraisals, Half Yearly Exams, Unanswered Questions, Endless Emotions...request all of you to rest in peace ( for a while) :-)

I want to close this with just one sentence...

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday....

( U can say I am still waiting ...)